Christmas Jokes

Last night I had the wonderful privilege of being the emcee of our churches Singles Christmas Party. In preparation for the party I searched for fun things to say that stayed in the Christmas theme. I was surprised that there really wasn't much humor to choose from and most of it was either inappropriate or cheesy. I thought today I would brighten your day with a few of the less cheesy ones that I ended up brining into our special evening. Enjoy!😀

What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

I asked my daughter what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace”
So I bought her nothing.

What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!

How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey?
On the dark side.

What do you call a naughty child who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.

What do you call a bunch of chess Masters bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? 

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…

I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…

I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…”

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.” To which the little brother replied, “No, but Gramma is!”

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?

A: Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

A: Claustrophobic.

Whats the best Christmas Present? 

A broken drum - you can't beat it.

Tis' the season! #cupofjoe #ChristmasJokes #laughterisgoodmedicine